My Crazy Mother in Law

Marie lives about a 10 to 20 minute drive away from Allison and me. Somedays I think it is a curse to live that close to my in-laws, while other days it is a blessing. Marie also has a government job, which means that she gets off work around 3pm and a few times a week goes over to my house to be with Allison and the boys and usually leaves around dinner time or shortly there after. All in all, this is a good thing. Drives me nuts that she is at my house so much, but as much as Allison complains about her mother, I’m sure she appreciates the help.

What I get a kick out of is the routine that Marie has to go through when it is time to leave. The routine is always the same to the point where I made a joke about it to Danielle one day and as the routine unfolded before Danielle’s eyes, it was all she could do to keep from bursting out laughing at her poor mother.

The first part of the routine is deciding that she is ACTUALLY going to leave. Shortly after I get home, Marie will announce that she has to get home because she has sooo much stuff to do. However, I guess that doesn’t get enough of a reaction from Allison and I so she sticks around, only to announce it again fifteen minutes later. Marie is at our house multiple times a week. If she were there once a month or less, her leaving would be a big deal, but when she’s there that often, her leaving, just doesn’t warran a whole lot of hoopla. Allison and I don’t grab the kids and all go stand at the door to wish her a farewell, a safe drive, a pleasant evening or a thanks for helping out. Sure, we say that sometimes, but we just don’t make a big production out of it.

Once Marie has decided that she has announced her departure enough times that she really IS going to leave, the rest of the routine starts. First, she has to get a drink of water. Every time. Without fail. It’s as if she is about to go on a trek in the desert or something or the water at her house is awful and needs one last drink of the ‘good’ water before she leaves. So, into the kitchen she goes. Finds one of our glasses from the cupboard and turns on the tap (we don’t have a water dispenser or anything). Then she lets the water run for a good 30 to 45 seconds to get it good and cold. Sometimes she bypasses the running the water in favor of getting some ice cubes from the freezer. She then fills the glass completely full. I should also point out that for our main drinking glasses, we have 2 sizes. The short and the tall we’ll call them. She ALWAYS has to take a tall one if there is one available. She will use a short one, but prefers the tall ones. Once the glass is completely full. She takes a sip. And only a sip. Literally, one mouthful of water, and then puts the glass on the counter. It takes her longer to prepare the glass of water than it does to actually drink it, and even though she is done with it, she doesn’t pour the remainder down the sink and put the glass in the dishwasher. Nope! She leaves it full, on the counter, for somebody to knock over at a later time (remember…she chose the tall glass).

Next is the bathroom stop. She has to use the bathroom after that huge drink of water. It’s as if that one mouthful put her over the edge and she has to empty her bladder for that long drive home. Again, I can see the point here if she was stopping some place on the way home. Who wants to use public bathrooms when you don’t have to, but she does it every time.

Then, she puts on her coat and stands at the door. One final announcement to everyone that she is leaving. Sometimes she convinces the chipmunks into giving her a kiss and a hug goodbye. Sometimes they cooperate.

All in all, I think it takes a minimum of an hour for her to leave, if you start the timer from the first time she says I’m leaving now.